This is where I can be completely honest. Where I can struggle. Find hope. Think. I know myself. But no one else does. I am who you all thought I wasn't.Ask. Submit
In my last major post, I talked about a number of things that people have asked me about privately. I will attempt to further explain some of those claims.
Why I haven’t come out to my gay friend: I feel like “being gay” is his crisis arena. I feel that coming out to him, at least before I have told some other people and have established a good support network, would be like stepping into his turf. He is generally unhappy and negative about a lot of things and I am not. His issues come from being gay. While being closeted does make me anxious and at times sad, I would say that I am generally happy and present in life. I feel that he might resent that I am gay and happy (albeit closeted - a bit hypocritical I know) while he is gay and unhappy. Furthermore, I feel a duty to tell my family before anyone else, and then my best of friends (of which he is one) in order of length and depth of the relationship.
Why I haven’t come out period: This is complex, and not something that I am sure I can really explain fully. I guess, I dont really want to shake things up. I like my relationships with my family and friends. I like people seeing me as I am, without the knowledge that I am gay changing their opinion of me. I dont really think being gay changes who I am, in fact, I think it is a really small portion of who I am. Thus I don’t feel super pressured to tell anyone. On the other hand, I dont want anyone to “find out” before I tell them, which creates a dilemma because it means I should tell them. Until I tell them, I will have a hard time pursuing a relationship, having a life, etc…
So you want to come out but you haven’t? Exactly. I dont want to shake things up, but i know that i need to. I owe it to myself, I owe it to my family and friends. I just dont know where to start. Any suggestions (in private or not)?
hey have u told your friend yet?? i told my brother yesterday inadvertantly, wasnt planning on it, but it went well.
Well, the friend mentioned in the last post will definitely NOT be the first person I tell. There’s more to that story in a bit. Congrats on your bravery with your brother! Hope it continues to go well.
Ummm. No. I’ve just had a really hectic couple of weeks. I’ll still be here and will be more active when things calm down.
so someone (i didnt want to out him if his blog is public) told me that he is in a similar situation to me and wanted to know how i deal with it. here’s my response:
ill be writing all of my background on this blog in the next couple days.
honestly, I’m hoping this blog can be a mechanism to deal with it. I’m fortunate to not really have to worry about my parents or sibling too much, so my fear is a different kind of fear. I’ll be writing about it soon.
with this friend of mine, i almost feel like telling him would mean i’m raining on his parade. I definitely do not want to tell him first.
Keep in touch man. I’d love to get a dialogue going.